his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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