he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
