haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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