oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
