Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
