I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
