Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
