And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I want is dick and wine.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
