Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
