Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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