Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
