i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i came on her dog
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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