This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
