Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
