She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
