he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love you. Go after that dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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