if only i could text you this smell
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
