next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
