my sisters under your porch take her home
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
