I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
