My friends, they love my intelligence
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
