I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
