So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
