used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
