mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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