Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex on a dog bed..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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