What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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