Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
