my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
