It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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