I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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