There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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