the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
