don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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