I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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