i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
