Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
