Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Damn victory sex feels great
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
