I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
