I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
