Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
