barbara walters just said penis...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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