I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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