So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
