Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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