apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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