he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
