On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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