he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
