We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
